There are a few ways I could have put this out there: I could have written a series of tweets in a thread, or I could have written out a Twitlonger, or made a video like some sort of YouTube apology. But I keep paying for this silly domain, and not making proper use of it, and so here we are.
I’ll get to the point. For a while now, I have been uninspired, miserable, and overwhelmed, which has resulted in me becoming withdrawn from a lot of things.
I’ve not uploaded a video to my YouTube channel in a number of weeks, much less started work on one, and I haven’t streamed at a regular time for even longer than that. As things in my personal life became more challenging, I put it off to give myself room to breath, all before it snowballed and I became overwhelmed.
Overwhelmed by the fact that it had been so long since I last active on both YouTube and Twitch, I found myself growing more anxious about getting back to it each time I looked back at when I was last live or uploaded.
It became a perpetual cycle of events that resulted in a sort of paralysis – wanting to do something, but can’t bring yourself to getting back to doing it.
This past weekend has been really telling of this. What was supposed to be a nice six day break away from work and my real-life job has become an anxiety-filled, miserable time of me not being able to focus on anything because my thoughts just won’t shut the fuck up.
Much of the above has been part of that, but other things as well, and it’s just so fucking overwhelming.
I don’t want to talk about the other things, at least not yet. But for the moment, I’m eager to address the content creation side of things.
To make things clear, it isn’t content creation that’s creating my anxiety because I’ve been up and down the road with streaming over the last four years.
But in case you haven’t heard me bang on about it enough recently, I have ADHD and it’s one of the things that is attributed to it – anxiety caused by something that snowballs or builds up that it results in nothing but more anxiety. Since being re-diagnosed with it, I’ve learned a lot about the why that relates to many parts of my life and it all makes sense.
Back on topic though, because this isn’t meant be a pity-me/feel sorry for me post.
This morning I woke up to a comment from my YouTube channel from a new player of Elite Dangerous who wasn’t sure how to upgrade their ship components, and since reading that I’ve had a sudden burst of enthusiasm that’s triggered a re-think in what I need to do to get out of this miserable rut.
For the plethora of folks who’ve asked me recently, “Hyper, when is your next stream?” or “Do you still stream?” – I’ve heard you folks, and this is for you.
Going forward I’ll be aiming to do a weekly stream and upload a weekly edited video.
Next video I have planned is the second part of my Elite Dangerous Starter Tips series, and more after I give it a bit of a think over as to what I want to create.
The next stream will likely be each Friday night around 9PM ACST (+9.30GMT) for a few hours, unless of course I am doing something else IRL that requires that there be no stream (priorities). These streams will be back on Twitch going forward, and I’ll be holding back any opinions I have about the platform going forward as well.
The TL;DR version is: I’ve been miserable as fuck, and I’m changing that. Videos and streams to come back with quality over quantity.
Hope you all had a great Easter break, and I’ll see you soon.